How to Make a Marriage Work
Everyone has an opinion concerning what makes a marriage work; however, there are certain strategies that have a greater impact than others.
Fortunately, there are some simple, but profound techniques a couple can use to make the most of their marriage. The following are some helpful tips for strengthening and nurturing such a union:
It is essential to understand that no couple will ever be 100% compatible in every way. In fact, attempting to achieve this state will generally lead to frustration.
This is because no two people are exactly alike, even if they are in a romantic relationship. The only true way to make a marriage work is to communicate with one’s partner on a regular basis and learn how to effectively compromise when the couple does not agree on a specific issue.
1- The Art Compromise
As mentioned above, one of the most important aspects with regard to maintaining a solid relationship with one’s spouse is a compromise. Everyone wants to be right.
It is human nature to feel good when one has the upper hand in a conversation or wins a verbal battle. However, this type of competitive behavior within a marriage typically leads to negative results.
Couples should remember that it is not about “winning”, but rather about coming to a mutual understanding where neither partner feels walked on or discounted.
In other words, a solution that both individuals can deal with without feeling slighted or disregarded.
For example, from time to time, each partner should agree to participate in an activity for the sake of his or her spouse, with the understanding that the favor will be returned in the future.
2- Thoughtfulness and Courtesy
Those who want to know what makes a marriage work must also realize that in addition to the information listed above, small courtesies are not just a minor consideration.
Thoughtful gestures, such as one partner phoning when he or she is going to be late, or offering to cook dinner if the other partner is having a particularly stressful day, go a long way toward strengthening a relationship.
3- Appreciating Each Other
Noticing and acknowledging the tasks one’s partner regularly completes to help keep the ship afloat is much more important than it may initially seem. This is because no one wants to feel under-appreciated, or even worse, not appreciated at all.
Resentment can quickly build when individuals feel as if they are carrying the lion’s share of the workload or that their efforts concerning the running of the home or the rearing of children are not being noticed.
However, if both partners avoid taking each other for granted, they can expect a happier marriage.
4 Telling Versus Asking
An easy trap for anyone to fall into is inadvertently giving “commands.” It is much better to ask questions and listen attentively for the answer.
Either spouse who has gotten into a habit of telling the other partner what to do should stop immediately and instead begin asking for his or her spouse’s opinion on a certain subject.
Each person should make an effort to determine what his or her partner truly desires, instead of one person allowing the other to make all the decisions.
Although one partner may initially seem fine with such an arrangement, he or she may have resentment building over the situation, and the other partner may be entirely unaware that it is happening.
5 Additional Considerations
To gain a better perspective on what makes a marriage work, couples may also wish to participate in focus groups with a counselor. Contrary to what many individuals may think, such activity is not reserved for those whose marriages are in trouble.
Many couples choose to participate in such groups in order to enhance their communication and ultimately strengthen their marriages.
In a neutral environment, with professional keeping emotions from getting too heated, many small problems can be solved before they become major issues.
Group encounters of this type are also available, and those running the sessions usually have a broad range of exercises in which each couple engages in order to strengthen their relationship.
6 How to Make a Marriage Work – Tips That Build Your Relationship in 2021
When you’re caught up in the excitement of your wedding, it can be hard to imagine that you and your spouse might not live happily ever after. But sharing your life with another person can be a challenge, especially if you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships. Marriages take work, commitment, and love, but they also need respect to be truly happy and successful.
A marriage based on love and respect doesn’t just happen. Both spouses have to do their part. Below are some important keys to work on each day to make your marriage successful.
7 Communicate clearly and often
Talking with your spouse is one of the best ways to keep your marriage healthy and successful. Be honest about what you’re feeling, but be kind and respectful when you communicate.
Part of good communication is being a good listener and taking the time to understand what it is your spouse wants and needs from you. Keep the lines of communication open by talking often, and not just about things like bills and the kids. Share your thoughts and feelings.
8 Tell your spouse that you’re thankful for having him or her in your life
Appreciate each other, your relationship, your family, and your lives together. Show gratitude when your partner cooks dinner, helps the kids with their homework, or does the grocery shopping. It may help to take a few minutes each evening to tell each other at least one thing you appreciated that day.
9 Make time for you two as a couple
With work and family responsibilities, it can be easy to lose the romance factor. Plan special dates, either to go out or just stay at home. If you have children, send them on a play date while you relax, talk, and enjoy each other’s company.
10 Plan for some personal time
Alone time is just as important as couple time. Everyone needs time to recharge, think, and enjoy personal interests. That time is often lost when you’re married, especially if you have kids.
Go out with friends, take a class, or do volunteer work, whatever you find enriching. When you’re back together with your spouse, you’ll appreciate each other even more.
11 Understand that it’s OK to disagree
You won’t agree on everything, but it is important to be fair and respectful during disagreements. Listen to your spouse’s point of view. Try not to get angry and don’t let yourself become too frustrated. Walk away and calm down if you need to, then discuss the problem again when you’re both in a better frame of mind. Compromise on problems so that you both give a little.
12 Build trust
Marriage therapist and researcher John Gottman, Ph.D., has found that criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are serious threats to a marriage. The more a couple engages in these destructive activities, the more likely they are to divorce.
His decades of research and of working with couples have shown that spouses who stay together know how to fight without being hostile and to take responsibility for their actions. They are also more likely to respond quickly to each other’s wishes to make up after fights and repair the relationship.
13 Learn to forgive
Everyone makes mistakes. Your spouse may hurt your feelings or do something that upsets you, and that may make you angry, even furious. But it’s important to deal with your feelings, let them go, and move on. don’t keep bringing up the past.
Remember to remain committed to your spouse, your family, and the life that you have built together. Support each other emotionally and in everyday ways. You, your spouse, and your relationship may grow and change with time, but these ideas can help your marriage stay successful over the years.
14 Tips to Make Your Marriage Work After an Affair
An affair is the most devastating experience for married couples to go through but after all the pain and sadness, couples have to move on.
Some couples end up in divorce after an affair and some chose to stay and work on their marriage. If you are one of those who chose the latter, it is important to know how to make your marriage work after an affair. So how to survive an affair?
15 Cut all means of communication and stop seeing your lover.
Own up to your mistakes, stop the affair immediately, and cut all means of contact with your lover. The unfaithful spouse should totally sever all means of communication from his or her lover to create a sense of security for the betrayed spouse.
If a chance meeting happened or your former lover contacted you, disclose everything to your spouse, and do not leave any details behind. Total disclosure and honesty are important to regain the trust of your spouse and to make your marriage work after an affair.
16 Do not leave your spouse in the dark about the affair.
The unfaithful spouse should answer all queries of the betrayed spouse about the affair. Couples will heal better if all the details of the affair are brought up in the open and the unfaithful spouse honestly provides all the details without holding back any secret.
It is hard to make your marriage work after an affair if you will still keep the details of the affair secret. Discussing and talking about the affair will eventually give the betrayed spouse peace of mind leading to better healing for both of you.
17 Show empathy to your spouse.
An affair is both painful to the adulterous spouse and the betrayed spouse but nothing can be compared to the feeling of being betrayed and cheated on.
The healing process for the betrayed spouse may take time and the adulterous spouse should show support and empathy to his or her spouse.
The cheated spouse may get emotional and may still ask questions even after months or years the affair has ended but you should be always ready to answer and show empathy if you want to make your marriage work after an affair.
18 Let forgiveness happen naturally.
The unfaithful spouse cannot rush or expect quick forgiveness. An affair or the betrayal of your spouse’s trust is not a trivial thing so it will take some time for forgiveness to come.
There are stages that the betrayed spouse has to go through. She or he may go through tears, anger, and resentment before finally arriving at the point of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is important to make your marriage work after an affair but you cannot rush it. Forgiveness will come if the betrayed spouse is ready for it.
19 Control your rage.
If you want to still keep your marriage and want to make the marriage work after an affair, you have to balance your anger and your desire to get all the information about the affair from your adulterous spouse.
Try your best not to allow your anger to get the best of you. Ask all the questions you want to ask about the affair but still be compassionate and do not attack your guilty adulterous spouse every time.
If you decided to keep your marriage after the affair, do not let the affair or your anger take over your lives. Do not let your anger rule over you if you want to make your marriage work after an affair.
20 Open up to each other.
It is important to open up and express how you both feel about the affair. Do not hold back and bare all your feelings.
By bearing all your feelings, disappointments, guilt feelings, feelings of betrayal, feelings of being abandoned, pain, sadness, etc. to each other, you will both realize and understand what went wrong in your marriage. In order to make your marriage work after an affair, you both have to open your heart to each other.
21 Stay committed to making your marriage work after an affair.
Healing after an affair is not easy but a marriage can survive after an affair. Couples have to work hard and stay committed to repairing the damage in their marriage.
The unfaithful spouse should stop the affair immediately and start proving his or her trustworthiness while the betrayed spouse should start healing. The commitment of couples is essential for the success of rebuilding the marriage.
22 Seek help.
Both the betrayed spouse and the unfaithful spouse need people they can trust to give them sound advice. It can be very overwhelming to deal with an affair on your own so you need the support of people who can help you sort things out.
Choose non-judgmental people who can be with you on your path to healing. Your family, trusted close friends, church elders, spiritual advisers are some of the people you can go to.
You may also need professional help from marriage counselors to help you deal with your marriage issues. It is inevitable to seek help if you want to make your marriage work after an affair, so do not hesitate to seek help.
23 Move on and leave the affair behind.
After all the anger, pain, total disclosure, and forgiveness, you both have to move on without talking about the affair. Move forward, spend time together to create new memories, and rebuild your marriage.
Learn from the trials in your marriage and continue to work as a team to strengthen your marriage. Infidelity or an affair can be a devastating experience for couples but many marriages were able to survive an affair and save their marriage.
24 Reasons You Should Try to Make Your Marriage Work After Cheating
There are all kinds of reasons you’ll hear about that work in favor of walking away from your marriage after cheating. But, there are quite a few great reasons you should try to make your marriage work after cheating.
If you haven’t given these great reasons a proper amount of thought, then perhaps it’s time to rethink your stance on marriage, cheating, and happily ever after.
25 You Still Believe in Fairy Tales
You’re never really too old for fairy tales. Every little girl dreams of growing up to meet and marry her own personal version of Prince Charming.
Most little girls have the minutest details of their blissful wedding and subsequent marriage planned out long before they’ve outgrown jump ropes and pat-a-cake.
There’s no shame in this. It’s good to dream and believe that things are going to be perfect for you and your marriage. The problem arises when those dreams leave no room for imperfections in the perfect façade.
Marriage requires learning to bend, give, and take, and a few altered expectations by all parties in order to survive and thrive – even after infidelity.
26 You Know that Something Worth having is Worth Fighting For
In the end, your marriage is worth fighting for if it was ever worth having in the first place. There is no reason you should stand back and let some other woman come in and take all that you’ve worked hard to create with your husband without putting both dukes up and giving her one heckuva fight.
He may have cheated on you. It probably stings a lot. But, you know, in your heart of hearts that this man and the family you’ve built together is worth fighting for. Now it’s up to you to throw a few good punches in favor of saving your marriage once and for all.
27 Believe that Your Marriage is Stronger than his Moment of Weakness
This is a HUGE reason to be willing to stand by your man. You know that YOU married a good man. You know that he is a real winner and you aren’t ready to let him go because he made a mistake.
You’re ready to batten down the hatches and ride out this storm because you know your marriage is made of stronger stuff than people are giving you credit for.
You’ll be hard-pressed to find any better reasons to try to make your marriage work after cheating than these except perhaps for the fact that you love your husband and know that this is something you can survive as long as you face it together.
How to Make a Marriage Work